That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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