What a fucking waste of an outfit
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
