you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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