I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
