What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize