Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
