woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
