I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
