sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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