i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
