are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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