i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
We need to rekindle our bromance
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
wow bdsm is so cute
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
