Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
