what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize