as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize