btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Randomize
