I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
