I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
