it hurts more in the daytime
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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