I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
