i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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