Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
