Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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