every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
