I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
