my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
You are a genius and a whore.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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