You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
