Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
