Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize