Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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