i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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