New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
