he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
