I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
