Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Just invented taco cereal.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
