i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
