i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
well you can't waste a boner
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
