Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
