I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Randomize
