we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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