Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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