Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He shit in the fireplace
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
