weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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