nut hugger
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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