guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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