How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
