dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
