i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
