Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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