9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Randomize