he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
