So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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