you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Randomize
