1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Randomize
