dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
