Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
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