my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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