forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
