You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
