Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
