How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I'm experimenting with sincerity
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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