Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
