At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
Randomize