one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
