Someone shit on the floor
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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