i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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