Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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