Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
