my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
