I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize