Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
