you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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