go do what you do best...puke behind churches
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Randomize
