umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
