He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
