He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
