Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
