Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
