honey bunches of taint.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Randomize
