my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
