420 ftw
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize