What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
