Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
it glows. i had to have it.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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