Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
50% drunk capacity currently
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
