where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Randomize
