Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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