You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
