after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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