I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
