How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
