why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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