that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
