how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
