I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize