You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
whose parrot is this?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
