Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
