Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
