then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
