Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
