that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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