Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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