I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
