So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
