I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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