Barsexuality is the new black.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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