spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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