can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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