You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
Randomize
