So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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